Separated at birth.

1 Jun

Girl on line ahead of me at Fairway has produce and Weight Watchers stuff mixed with loads of cookies and chips. My guess: A mindblowingly awesome binge is going down tonight.

I’m coming out.

1 Jun

Temperley. Lacroix. Gaultier. #closetpurgediscoveries #toomanyclothes

Sisywhat.

1 Jun

In my Greek myth, every time I contemplate getting off OkCupid, a boy that seems potentially perfect for me will materialize. Then I’ll realize he’s not and contemplate getting off OkCupid. Forever and ever anon.

Family Guy’s Bid for Bloated Brentwood Jews.

31 May

Hey, y’all. Please check out my latest piece in Heeb magazine, on Seth Macfarlane’s questionable Emmy ad.

I am my own grandpa.

29 May

I hope all these guys in my phone with the last name OkCupid aren’t related. It’ll be super awk when they find out I’m dating all of them.

Gold digger.

29 May

“Has that old guy finally left you alone?” Or, why it’s sometimes actually funny to talk about my dating life with my mom.

Did I stutter?

29 May

Presented without commentary, a recent grocery list.

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