Hi there! Please be a dear and check out my latest piece on the Hairpin. It’s part fiction and part non, and I wrote it last year. I hope you enjoy it. (If you like lists, wine, SVU, mysteries or lists about mysteries, wine and SVU, it’s right up your alley!)
Hey, everyone! Gothamist has the thrilling true story of my adventures in foodstuffs last night. So exciting!!! Here’s the gist:
My boyfriend Brian and I stumbled into the 215 Fine Foods bodega on 4th Ave. in Park Slope last night in search of snacks after trivia at the Sackett bar. Imagine how delighted we were to find sandwich No. 4—the Douche Bag—on the menu.
Remember when “douche bag” was like, not something you could say in mixed company? Or at all, really? (In the ’90s, my Spanish-teacher mom once gave someone detention for calling a guy in her class a douche bag.) Now we not only bandy it about to describe brokers and frat boys but also SANDWICHES. WE NAME SANDWICHES AFTER VAGINAL CLEANSERS. (In other news, the Douche Bag actually sounds pretty good. Though, it does seem like a missed opportunity for tuna, mayo and vinegar on super-yeasty bread. Ba-zing!)
Gothamist went back to the source for additional reporting and also noticed some (possibly even) worse sandwich names, like the Baby Gravy (which is what I have started calling Brian). (I’d like to note, also, that the peeps at the 215 deli are very nice and helpful!)
Enjoy (being a woman)!
Is “standing one’s ground” the new “literally”? Like, can it *literally* be used to mean whatever we want? Because I’m pretty sure this isn’t right. Unless, wait, maybe Shelly Zimmerman is planning to shoot George in the face for inappropriate use of Skittles? In which case…cool cool cool, nothing to see here.
This is almost as good as that time the senator went “gangnum style.”
It’s been a while! Hi, you guys. I hope you’re having a good summer. I’ve been working, writing my book, forsaking anorexia in favor of going out with my friends and having a good time…. That’s us over there, at Refinery 29′s 30 Under 30 party, celebrating beautiful, hip, successful younguns like the Man Repeller and Audrey Gelman. We’re 3 Under 40, and I think we’re pretty fabulous, too, don’t you? THANK YOU!!! Anyway, it’s been a fun time. I just had a veggie burger deluxe delivered (New York, I love you), and now I think it’s time for bed. X’s and O’s.
And there it is! How cool is that?
About four years ago (almost to the day, oddly), I read that filmmaker Michel Gondry had decided to—with his copious amounts of free time—make hand-drawings of photos for a mere $20. It hardly mattered that I love Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or that Gondry directed one of my very favorite Flight of the Conchords episodes ever—anyone who has the opportunity to get a drawing by an artist or visionary of any kind of standing for a mere 20 bucks should. So I sent in my money and waited. And waited. I got an email saying that due to Gondry’s schedule, there would be a delay. Then I waited some more. Then I checked in again. I checked in a lot. Then I forgot about it. Then, I don’t know why, about a month ago checked in again—and was told that Mssr. Gondry finally had time to do my drawing. And he did it!!! And it just arrived! And it is so cool! And I am so happy!!!
Oh, also, here’s my latest Community recap. (Oops. Sorry. But look how patient I was!!!)
…it’s LAST week’s Community! And the Community before that!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am the WORST. But admit it, you like the excitement of not knowing when I’ll post a recap (in yo’ ass), right? We’re living on the edge here, people.
Truthfully, I hate living on the edge. I was just thinking, actually, about how chaotic, unpredictable people are my least-favorite kind. I was thinking about it in the context of The Bling Ring, which I am OBSESSED with seeing. The kind of people in it are the kind who have always made me feel unsafe (and not just because they might rob me), but because they seem so…unstable and OMG WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO NEXT??? They also seem kind of trouble-for-trouble’s-sakey. Every once in a while growing up someone like that would materialize, and though they were kind of seductive at first, I eventually realized that they BUGGED me OUT.
Wow, that was a super tangenty tangent. Anyway, enjoy these recaps, y’all! I’ll be back AT SOME POINT with another one!