So, confession: I love Dateline NBC. After a long Friday at work, I like nothing more than to come home, order in some food, pour a glass (or three) of wine and kick back with Dennis Murphy and Keith Morrison and let them spin a creepy tale for me–the creepier the better. Then I get scared out of my wits and call it a night. Fun! It’s one of the weirder things about me. (Because I am exceedingly normal. Shut up, I am.) Particular treats are when Murphy and Morrison, both presumably seasoned TV-journalism vets, are forced into the awkward situation of recounting grimy details of the stories they’re covering, such as when Murphy a few weeks ago had to talk about someone “setting up a three-way” and in the latest installment, had to (with a straight face) report on someone’s online-dating profile handle, which included the number 69. (I encourage you to watch Bill Hader’s spot-on send-up of Morrison, which really isn’t all that exaggerated.)

I’d like to, from time to time, provide you highlights from my (admittedly bonkers) guilty pleasure, so that you might get as much joy from it as I do. This week, I present to you Most Graphically Unnecessary Analogy Ever. Enjoy! (And someone, please, if you know what it means for someone to provide the “hair” of a case, let me know!)

Enjoy!