carlasosenko June 28, 2009 Musings, Pickups and Shout-outs

Pickup addendum

Here’s a pickup I blogged a while ago, from the Times Union. It’s lovely in the way a lot of the sites that picked up my essay have been, but I’m re-noting it now because it’s gotten some comments. It continues to blow my mind the way certain people view me in light of my essay. Everyone is of course entitled to his or her opinion, it’s just been kind of trippy to read that I am conceited, shallow, hypocritical or that I don’t sound fun to be with. Gah! I object! I am tremendous fun to be with!

Ok, ok, I’m digressing. Anyway, I can see where certain readers are coming from (and it’s important to say these kinds of comments are far fewer than the supportive ones, the readers who say the story resonated with them, which is of course my hope), and I’m glad people are responding regardless of what they have to say. But I thought it was kind of obvious that I am not HAPPY that I have walls up, that this is in fact something I am working on. Writing is a process that can elucidate the process we go through in life. My guardedness does not come from a place of superiority but extreme vulnerability. (Unless the guy’s a jerk, then yes, the other thing.) I find it so baffling to have my insecurity attacked. It’s a defense mechanism, people!

Anyway, this first struck me when AOL picked up the story and more than 500 people commented on it. This Times Union item reminded me of it.

The sun is finally out. Get out there and enjoy it.

xo c.

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rob mancuso says:

July 2, 2009 at 1:58 pm

you are tremendous fun to be with, especially when you’ve been drinking:P

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Blue says:

July 6, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Well it always seems easier for people to crituiqe and to attack another persons attitude as being “bleak” and “shallow” (as what one of the comments said) because they don’t have the slightest inkling on how one is dealing with your situation. it’s a natural response to hide what we don’t like with ourselves, either phsyical or emotional, because the world in general is a shallow place in my opinion. Commercial America has tailored TV and the press to focus on the beautiful and flawless. It may not be right, but everyone does it. The trick is to just ignore it, because no matter how one looks outside, the inner beauty, the intelligence, the humor, the personality in general is what really matters. You can only make someone so happy with a beautiful picture, but if you add a poetic description, it becomes more then a picture.

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harris says:

July 18, 2009 at 10:42 pm

your essay had a wall around it; a certain amount of strong pride; a certain amount of aloofness to it. it read somewhat diva-like. i could throw out some of your quotes that exemplify what i’m getting at, but i understand where you are coming from–i too have my own physical issues, and despite those issues i am extremely athletic and successful in that regard and in the mirror i see that guy who is quite frankly not who i know others see by just looking at me–for someone to compliment me on my physique seems like a plastic, belittling automatic nicety if they have not seen what i can do, which because of my visuals, is not given a full context without actually knowing me. so… i too have walls, and am also a bit diva-like, but that is only because that i feel that despite my disadvantages, i give a 110%, which is something most never do. frankly, i am better at the things i value than those i usually meet. just sayin’.

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Dave says:

July 18, 2009 at 10:53 pm

Ms. Sosenko,
I had never heard of K-T and came across your “Marie Claire” article in a search. While it did not contain the definitions, I read the entire piece. The reason is simple. While I am 59 and live 3000 miles from New York, I was born with one leg 1/2 inch shorter than the other (my mother was the same) and less than 100% use of my legs (since this is public I shall not go into details), and slightly stunted growth in my extremities (though not really easily noticed). My father was a professional athlete and I was a disappointment. Slow afoot in any sport that involved running, told I walk and run “funny”, plus asthma from age eight, I ignored it all. I knew how to get through an athletic physical so I could play, and was in the 1 1/2 percent of college students to letter in an NCAA sport (one that did not require running). I was lucky enough to be married to my best friend – literally – until she died of cancer. She was impressed by my accomplishments, athletically in what I was able to do and a scholarly career (I retired early.), not my imperfections. You have your life. I have mine. I have done mine my way and want you to know: 1. You are not alone. 2. You have your choices to make as your writing indicates you fully realize. 3. You have every right to accept or reject any or all comments, advice, suggestions, criticisms.

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Bill says:

July 19, 2009 at 8:38 am

Hi there,
I find your essay truthful, and realistic. I dated a woman with MS for 3 years. Not a physically disfiguring condition, but awkward at times. My girlfriend would drop almost anything she held in her left hand. She would lose the feeling in her left leg. Headaches that nearly blinded her (literally). I never considered her disease as something I couldn’t deal with. It was what it was. She decided she didn’t want me to be her “caretaker” as she got older. I am not sure hwhere the wall came from there, but wow the pain. Anyway, your essay reminded me of our first few dates….. Thanks for it

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Such a Pretty Face

Pickup addendum

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