What the Guys I Date Don’t Know, part 3

4 May


4 Responses to “What the Guys I Date Don’t Know, part 3”

  1. Judith Flast May 19, 2009 at 12:48 pm #

    Dear Carla,
    Just read your article, “What the Guys I Date Don’t Know.”

    wow.. thank you so much for eloquently writing exactly what I feel on dates! Being a survivor of breast cancer and double mastectomy…dating is tough.
    I loved what you said at the end of the article: “vague shout-out to my uniqueness and an invitation to take me or leave me. Now when a guy tries to decide if I’m date-worthy, he can consider the shininess of my hair, the bands I like, and K-T (in my case…mastectomies). Because if I can learn to relax a little about it, to love my lumps and bumps (or lack thereof, in my case), maybe someone else will”

    Actually, I have met someone who sees past my chest and into my soul and he likes what he sees. I’m the one who can’t relax, so appreciate reading your article. Thank you! It was exactly what I needed.

    • Marcia Luecke May 19, 2009 at 4:44 pm #

      Dear Carla,

      You probably won’t get a lot of comments from senior citizens — but I couldn’t resist. In a nutshell, you could say of me, “..been there — done that…” I too was born with a disability — (one of the ones you mention as being worse than yours, — that you are thankful you don’t have..) I too was told I had a beautful face, and figure, for tht matter… I too was able to disuise my disability for severl dates, always wondering what the reaction would be when he figured it out…. I can identify almost 100% with your feelings.

      Yet, instilled even deeper into my psyche than the fear of the conseqiences of the Discovery, was the absolute certainty of the amazing, incalculable VALUE of myself – my soul – the true ME, as a person. It wasn’t the pretty face and body (despite the “fatal flaw”) — but the ME of the personality and talents and loves tat made me unique, and special. But even more important –( now don’t flip out on me here — hang with me –) — is the absolute soul-penetrating certainty that I am deeply loved by God. You might want to read about an incdent in the life of Christ when his disciples asked him why a certain man had been born blind. Was it because of the sins of the guy’s parents, or maybe some kind of foreknowledge of the man’s own bad character? (They assumed it was some sort of punishment) Jesus gives a stunnning response –” Neither — it was so that God’s glory should be revealed through that man!” (John — chapter 8..?)
      Strange gift. Weird blessing. But I have a lifetime of stories I could share with you, about how my disability has brought glory to God, — and a life of joy to me. If you’re interested, feel free to contact me — I’d love to share them with you.
      (Incidentally, I’ve had over 40 years of marriage, children and grandchildren who each literally shine with love, and rather spectacular accomplishments, –and a career that many would envy.)
      And I am confidant that this same God has a plan, at least as great, for your life as well. He allowed – (not caused, but chose not to intervene and prevent) your body to develop as it did — for a reason…. Figure out what it was. Start by reading the (entire) book of John in the New Testament. It can’t hurt. Might help.
      Might help big time.
      Love , (Because I see in you a lot of myself.. and a beloved child of my Father)

  2. Neeraj Sharma May 19, 2009 at 1:47 pm #

    Would it be fair if the short, the poor or the ugly found a way to conceal their weakness and went on dates only to turn down the dates and waste their time? Sure you have your blessings and your curse. So do many others. We don’t use it as an excuse to play with other people and seek sympathy while doing it.

  3. Tony May 19, 2009 at 3:48 pm #

    Dear Carla,
    I wanted to commend you and thank you for coming forward on this. This is defenitely something not well understood by others unless you experience your self.
    My daughter (8 yrs) has KT also, quite extensively in lower extremities. To this point our challenges have been medical in nature but I know the time will come that the social challenges will come and as a parent and father it is encouraging to me to see someone who is going through the same thing she will, dealing with it bravely and honestly.
    I also appreciated your closing statements in your article.
    Thank you and Best wishes,

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