10 surgeries New Yorkers need right now

27 Apr

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Women in Beverly Hills are allegedly having their feet modified to fit into their Loubs. (Sure, why not.) Here, Time Out New York shares the 10 surgeries that New Yorkers need.

Behold: Jayoncé

18 Apr

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It’s official: Mr. & Mrs. Carter are touring together (holy hell). Here, Time Out New York’s four other dream mashups.

Conscious uncoupling, unconscious coupling and coupcious unconling

12 Apr

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Ok, that last one isn’t a thing. (Actually, those first two probably aren’t either.) But if you like made up things—especially goopy made up things, this post is for you. Click on over to Time Out New York to hear what other euphemisms my co-workers and I feel could use the Gwyneth treatment. You won’t be disappointed. (And if you are, we’ll just think of a Gwynnie-approved euphemism to describe it. Maybe “unintentional expectation remittance.” Sure, why not.)

Ever wrestled in pudding?

12 Apr

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I have—and lived to tell the tale! Please read about my experience here, on FriendStories, the website of my friend and writing spirit animal, the ridiculously talented novelist Miranda Beverly-Whittemore, author of Bittersweet.

 

A 41-Step Guide to Giving Yourself a Heart Attack

4 Dec

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Hi there! Please be a dear and check out my latest piece on the Hairpin. It’s part fiction and part non, and I wrote it last year. I hope you enjoy it. (If you like lists, wine, SVU, mysteries or lists about mysteries, wine and SVU, it’s right up your alley!)

c.

Can I interest you in a tasty Douche Bag?

16 Oct

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Hey, everyone! Gothamist has the thrilling true story of my adventures in foodstuffs last night. So exciting!!! Here’s the gist:

My boyfriend Brian and I stumbled into the 215 Fine Foods bodega on 4th Ave. in Park Slope last night in search of snacks after trivia at the Sackett bar. Imagine how delighted we were to find sandwich No. 4—the Douche Bag—on the menu.

Remember when “douche bag” was like, not something you could say in mixed company? Or at all, really? (In the ’90s, my Spanish-teacher mom once gave someone detention for calling a guy in her class a douche bag.) Now we not only bandy it about to describe brokers and frat boys but also SANDWICHES. WE NAME SANDWICHES AFTER VAGINAL CLEANSERS. (In other news, the Douche Bag actually sounds pretty good. Though, it does seem like a missed opportunity for tuna, mayo and vinegar on super-yeasty bread. Ba-zing!)

Gothamist went back to the source for additional reporting and also noticed some (possibly even) worse sandwich names, like the Baby Gravy (which is what I have started calling Brian). (I’d like to note, also, that the peeps at the 215 deli are very nice and helpful!)

Enjoy (being a woman)!

This is literally the worst.

26 Sep

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Is “standing one’s ground” the new “literally”? Like, can it *literally* be used to mean whatever we want? Because I’m pretty sure this isn’t right. Unless, wait, maybe Shelly Zimmerman is planning to shoot George in the face for inappropriate use of Skittles? In which case…cool cool cool, nothing to see here.

This is almost as good as that time the senator went “gangnum style.”

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