True fact: Wear a T-shirt with a sequined pocket on the left boob and said left boob will receive an inordinate amount of attention.
Everyone at this Eater event is female. If this were a Sex and the City episode, I would meet a hot girl and be all, I couldn’t help but wonder if I should give up sausage and be a vagetarian.
Me: I’m less picky about guys than when I was 25.
Mom: Why? You should be more picky.
Girl on line ahead of me at Fairway has produce and Weight Watchers stuff mixed with loads of cookies and chips. My guess: A mindblowingly awesome binge is going down tonight.
In my Greek myth, every time I contemplate getting off OkCupid, a boy that seems potentially perfect for me will materialize. Then I’ll realize he’s not and contemplate getting off OkCupid. Forever and ever anon.
I hope all these guys in my phone with the last name OkCupid aren’t related. It’ll be super awk when they find out I’m dating all of them.
“Has that old guy finally left you alone?” Or, why it’s sometimes actually funny to talk about my dating life with my mom.
I fear that the unfortunate placement of two blemishes on opposite ends of my forehead are not going to help dismantle the whole Jews-have-horns thing.